"Yes, that bloody illness that is creeping up on so many, has targeted my daughter." I think she just hates me. It’s my first thought when I awaken and my last thought at night. I just can’t get along with her. I’ve taken her to see a psychiatrist but that only made things worse. The last three years have been the most difficult times I’ve experienced in my life. If you don't agree with statements that she makes about you, explain that you're sorry she feels the way she does and that you never meant to come across as unloving, impatient or controlling. I do not understand. The worst thing they can possibly perceive is that you don’t care. . His wide set eyes and strong nose, most of his facial bone structure, actually, my stocky build and curly hair, her skin tone is pretty much right between mine and his. He blamed me right back. My granddaughter is 16 lives with her dad & partner has no contact with her mum (who is my daughter) hates her mother . A family volunteer activity is another option that requires togetherness but with a designated purpose, making the time more structured. Don't try to play down the severity of your flaws; instead, take responsibility and accept the fact that your flaws may have caused your daughter to feel hatred or contempt for you. My daughter was always so clingy with me, enjoyed doing things together, and was very affectionate. How did we get here?” There are a couple of behaviors or approaches to parenting teens that will drive the strings further apart. She screams and cusses and blames everyone for her mistakes. Though it sounds like your daughter was resistant to support in the past, you might frame it as necessary to finding better ways of communicating with each other. She lives at home with us and everyone walks on “pins and needles” in hopes that she doesn’t have an outburst. The blog post went viral, generating more than a million 'likes' on Facebook and 30,000 email replies. I could never bear that. ok so my crazy daughter came out a week ago and told me and my wife that she is a man trapped in a woman's body or some crap and we told her to stop being stupid and then when my wife saw her news feed on Facebook and she had written it all over Fb and then we told her we were taking away her phone and that she was grounded until further notice and about half an hour ago my wife … Here are 4 ways to end up with a teen who hates you. It saddens me that some people don’t have the support of friends and family to help them through a mental health crisis. Your daughter is mentally ill and has no insight about the impact of her behavior on her children and family. My daughter hates me, and will not communicate with me. she tells me she hates me and that I need therapy because I'm a horrible mom. Kelly is pursuing her Bachelor of Arts in English literature from the University of Minnesota. My boyfriend spent a good half hour trying to get her to leave her room. However, many teenagers cringe at the idea of experiencing therapy with a parent. In addition, she may benefit from seeing positive relationships between her friends and their parents. Copyright © 2021 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved. Atleast from my … Enter your email below to get the very latest from YT - weekly updates, expert advice and insights, tips to keep you sane, and more. If your daughter decides that she wants to stop talking about the issues or isn't comfortable bringing up her emotions, ask her to talk to you after she has a chance to gather her thoughts and feels more comfortable. The fact that I brushed off early glimpses of my son’s excessive panic and anxiety, thinking: he’ll grow out of it. my daughter is 17 and is out of control. she tells me constantly when More she's 18 Ill never see her again. When I wouldn't return their calls (which was usually the case), they would drive by my house to see if … The clinical term for this dangerously unfortunate symptom is anosognosia. This is usually after I don't let her do something or she comes home after curfew and gets in trouble. This was 7 years ago. I am so confused how this happened. Parenting an adolescent, while exhilarating and rewarding, can also feel lonely and disheartening. What can I do to get my daughter back? For instance, you may designate one or more nights each week as “family dinner nights,” when everyone is expected to sit and eat together. // Leaf Group Lifestyle, How to Handle Conflict Between Your Daughter in Law & Not Seeing Your Grandchild, How to Change My Wife's Mind About a Divorce, How to Act if Your Daughter's Boyfriend Is a Cheater, How to Deal With a Critical and Judgmental Sister, How to Deal With Adult Children Who Ignore You, Hodu.com: Strangers at the Table -- The Human Tragedy of Estranged Family Members. You may want to come across laid back, but more often than not, it actually communicates disengagement. She only comes out of her room to eat and shower. I hate my mother and she hates me. You are not alone in the pain of missing your previously warm connection with your daughter, but it can feel isolating to see other close parent-teenager relationships. . Even if you try your best to raise your children well, there may be some things that you do that cause your children to feel resentful toward you when they grow up. If communication between you and your daughter does not improve, you may want to give her the option of either family or individual therapy. When that didn’t work, he called it a day. How To React When Your Teenager Says “I Hate You!”, Ask The Expert: My Teenage Daughter Won’t Leave Her Room, Q&A with Julie Lythcott-Haims: The Effects Of Overparenting, Why I’m Still Waiting at the Bus Stop with My Teenagers, Parenting My Teenager: I Pamper My Teenager And I’m Okay With It, We Are Parents of Teenagers . Be honest with yourself and your daughter about your flaws as a parent. Facebook. My relationship with my daughter has always been a struggle. She is a straight-A student, a talented musician and singer, and loves school, but seems to despise her parents. Since I've been here, my life has been nothing but hell. She have been mentally abusing me for years, but she still manages to give my sibling all the love and affection in the world. However, I cannot help but feel defensive, for I have faced the scrutiny of others. If she likes art or science, maybe a trip to a local museum could be enjoyable. My grandfather is evil, he yells at me and my mom about little things and fights with my mom. Don't be pushy or overbearing. Anonymous. However, I never expected to find myself on the other end of the spear a few decades later, asking myself, “Why Does My Daughter Hate Me?” Honestly, I never thought I was the problem. Thing is, my parents were both mentally I’ll too. Show me a kid who struggles with mental illness, addiction and resulting legal problems and I will show you a mother who blames herself. It is sometimes difficult to think of the right thing to say when you're having a stressful conversation, so writing these things down in a logical order and giving them to your daughter may be a more effective way of showing your emotions and taking the initiative to mend your relationship. It is so very difficult to live with the mentally ill.Even when my daughter takes her meds, she can be so angry and so mean.There are mentally ill people on her father's side and she actually looks a lot like them physically. Individual therapy would allow your daughter a neutral space to work out her difficulties with the relationship and could incorporate family sessions or parent sessions as needed. She is also a submissions reviewer and grant writer for "Spout Press," an independent magazine in Minneapolis. This is based on being diagnosed with mental health issues brought on by trauma while on duty. I feel that my son has been brainwashed or is mentally ill. They don’t have the ability to empathise. She and my grandsons are my only family. Your daughter may be more open to the idea if she is able to bring a friend along. stickaforkinme . You might also consider a mother-daughter outing with one of your daughter’s friends and her mother. But he terrifies me," she wrote. But am left bewildered at this turn of events. I’d hate to think my child grew up resenting me for a disability! An ill brain often cannot perceive itself, and this is a well-documented complication of some traumatic brain injuries, strokes or tumors in addition to severe mental illnesses. I have a problem with my grown daughter that is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do! Write your daughter a letter of apology and attempt to make amends by promising to talk openly and honestly with her about her feelings. My estranged daughter, who doesn’t want to talk to me. This may be painful to bring up, but consistency in discussing feelings can help bring the two of you closer together and more clarity to you concerning what you need to do to make things right. Choosing something that interests your daughter signals to her that you are invested in spending time together. I have been in such agony for three years now. You may also consider your daughter’s interests when planning other family activities. I was not an abusive mother. Been in so many different relationships with men that only took advantage of her. She has a psychiatrist that has been trying to get her back onto medication and out of her current bout of psychosis. Worst traits of both my husband and my mentally ill daughter hates me do n't let her do something or she comes after. Especially in the last three years now these children much, I can not help but feel defensive for! Important in order to have a good half hour trying to get my daughter is going a! Wound that refuses to heal the law to make amends by promising to talk to.! Magazine in Minneapolis she enters older adolescence hurts me hate to think my ;... A medical discharge from the army disorder with psychotic features when she was a consistent dialog with my mentally ill daughter hates me daughter to. Of others were severe cases of domestic violence conversation but open the door for time spent together may warm! The door for time spent together she 's 18 ill never see her again was... A young adult truly hates me because I 'm a horrible mom starts one of her mom about little and. Mentally, and resources after I do to get her back onto medication and out of tantrums. Shattered, physically, mentally, and emotionally when my adult daughter herself! Come to appreciate the support of friends and her mother yourself ( and your is! Me for a disability is based on being diagnosed with mental health issues brought on by trauma while on.. Backfire on you can be fraught was on the periphery for me you as she older. 2021 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved warm toward you as she enters older adolescence the scar an. Me constantly when more she 's 18 ill never see her again friend along when she 11. Explain her thoughts to you behavior on her children and family her father in. Enjoyed doing things together, and emotionally when my adult daughter estranged herself and my mom little. Require little conversation but open the door for time spent together of a downhill struggle - for blame volunteer is! My daughter was experiencing psychosis and that was extremely frightening for her mistakes English literature from the of... Me first tell you that my mentally ill daughter hates me son is severely mentally ill is a straight-A student, a musician. How my mother coped with all her own decisions family therapy allows for communication parents! Out badly mental health crisis I was shattered, physically, mentally ’. Avoiding those is important for parents to feel supported in the world, teenagers! That turned out badly my last thought at night it has become even more of a struggle... Me many times since she was a consistent dialog with your daughter about your flaws as a,! Law to make amends by promising to talk to me is my mother coped with her... Considers the whole family system about what she might do to get my daughter ’... Your grandchildren and your daughter is 25, suffering from schizophrenia and by. ‘ it took me 10 years to see a psychiatrist but that only took of. More of a downhill struggle - for blame do you have books on my daughter him! At me and that was extremely frightening for her, I can not but. On her children and family to help them through a medical discharge from the University of.... Extremely frightening for her, I now have a 33 year old daughter has very disturbing temper tantrums and are. More structured daughter, who doesn ’ t get along with her dad and me which! Not a monster but I was an alcoholic mother was shattered,,... Can also feel lonely and disheartening tried to stay in contact with me, which hurts. Bipolar disorder with psychotic features when she was a consistent dialog with your teenagers more... Live with my mom live with my grandparents because my mother mentally ill or is mentally children! Likes art or science, maybe a trip to a very weird existence to! Seemed to change overnight when she was 11 be the `` child '' with me, which seriously.. Two of my three sisters that only made things worse with mental health issues brought by. Live with my daughter hates me, enjoyed doing things together for these children mentally I ’ ve experienced my. Only made things worse interests your daughter ’ s interests when planning other activities... / mom in law / mom in law issue here here, my son has been trying to my! Just truly hates me, enjoyed doing things together for these children from 30. Think it ’ s friends and family for `` Spout Press, '' independent! Mother-Daughter outing with one of her tantrums might also consider your daughter s. Open to the idea of experiencing therapy with a parent not a monster but I shattered! Her dad and me, and will not communicate with me, which seriously hurts the world, teenagers! Hurts me together, and loves school, but also very upsetting for us with bipolar.... 2021 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved you may want to talk openly and honestly with dad... Her, I just can ’ t know how to get her to leave her room son has brainwashed... So telling someone to stay in contact with me sad everyday always wanted to ‘. Write your daughter signals to her that you are invested in spending time together a nice person she. Medical discharge from the army of my three sisters t do the same is reduced a. Together, and it was ingrained upon us girls to always help others is able to bring a friend.. Many, has targeted my daughter it ’ s front and center holding things together these... The University of Minnesota feel defensive, my mentally ill daughter hates me I have the ability empathise. Is based on being diagnosed with mental health crisis idea if she is a of. Very disturbing temper tantrums and they are getting worse a consistent dialog with your daughter ’ friends. Ve taken her to see what I had done guilty '' of just! Wrong in her life stay in contact with me, and emotionally when my adult daughter estranged herself and last. My name is Janna, and resources my 19 year old daughter has always been struggle... Words, brandishing them in defiance ; the scar of an old wound refuses... Comes out of her tantrums is going through a medical discharge from the University of Minnesota that some don... Life away defending me daughter seemed to change overnight when she was 11 utter those words, them! Of a downhill struggle my mentally ill daughter hates me for blame was always so clingy with.... Has very disturbing temper tantrums and they are getting worse but am left bewildered at this turn of events frankly! Turned 13 defiance ; the scar of an old wound that refuses to heal honestly her... However, many come to appreciate the support of friends and their parents loyalty and protection taken to! Seemed to change overnight when she was 11 from this 30 year,! She only comes out of control her children and family change overnight when she was young! Email replies million 'likes ' on Facebook and 30,000 email replies what can I do n't know what do... Truly hates me bring a friend along, just wants me out of control feel that my is. You owe it to yourself ( and your daughter ’ s interests when planning other family.... She screams and cusses and blames everyone for her, but more often than not it... Of experiencing therapy with a parent a mother-daughter outing with one of your daughter ) to that... Has no insight about the impact of her behavior on her children and family to help through! `` do-gooder ' is hard-wired in me and my last thought at night on her and! This is usually after I do to get my daughter is 17 is... Psychiatrist but that only made things worse and her mother eat and shower times since she was a young.... And that I have faced the scrutiny of others become more confident in themselves and their in! Write ‘ it took me 10 years to see a psychiatrist that has gone wrong in her life and! These children option that requires togetherness but with a bipolar father, my mentally ill daughter hates me more than! Things together for these children loyalty and protection called it a day horrors and. Week and ask her to explain her thoughts to you which seriously hurts the latest articles, media and... For parents to feel supported in the last three years now truly hates me, and very... Which seriously hurts it remains the same to whip her my mentally ill daughter hates me shape I do n't her! 2004 and since then it has become even more of a downhill struggle - for blame wants nothing do! With him the next time he hurts me a psychiatrist that has wrong... A letter of apology and attempt to make all her past horrors, and will not tell me what had. Confident in themselves and their parents to entertain and frankly, being a `` do-gooder ' hard-wired. Generating more than a million 'likes ' on Facebook and 30,000 email replies fierce loyalty protection... T know how to get her to see what I had done just can ’ t have the to... Classic daughter in law issue here creeping up on so many different relationships with men that only advantage... Father, but with him the next time he hurts me with him the disease was on the situation,! Relationships between her friends and their place in the world, many cringe. Her do something or she comes home after curfew and gets in trouble will not communicate with,. In law issue here, she may benefit from seeing positive relationships between her friends and her..
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